This Is Ape Shit

You know, no one ever tells you

that losing control is hard work,

It’s not something you can just do

Because the results can be catastrophic.

Losing control takes a certain skill

To know when it’s okay to let go

Without fucking up your entire life.

But see, that’s not really losing control

When you premeditate WHEN to lose it.

My sister always tells me to loosen up, live a little,

To loosen the bridle once in a while.

To her I ask:

Woman, when is this ‘while’ you speak of?

And where can I find it?

If I find it and don’t stumble across it,

Does it still count as letting go?

Since I went seeking for it?

Does going ape shit count as losing control?


Like I said losing control is hard work,

(Partially probably because I don’t know what it MEANS exactly)

Even my self control, which has been putting in 24 hours a day

Everyday- religiously, thinks so.



What they don’t tell you about the process of metamorphosis is that it is never easy , you’re constantly trying to break out of your cage all the while trying to stay safely tucked in it. From the mother’s womb and beyond, we are in a constant state of trying to break free and become humans. Granted, some do a better job than others (although how do we determine the quality of someone’s humanity when it opens up the can of worms aptly titled objective versus subjective ‘facts’), we all partake that journey- hopping from one cocoon to the next until we reach our graves, back to the womb of the Mother (Earth). Metamorphosis of the physical is irrelevant as we are born from a womb and at the end of the days we are returned to another- that of the planet. It is the metamorphosis of the mind that profoundly changes: from the moment we take our first breath of air to the moment we take our last. The cages we live in are within our own minds and to get out of them is never easy.


Literal Rambling, Literally

Wise eyes mean nothing

If in a moment your immaturity shines through.

You talk a great talk and walk a great walk

But bring you something serious

And there lies the panic, painfully plain,

All the polish in the world can’t hide the inner kid.

But still you try,

You polish your face, Till it shines,

You polish your brain,  Till it smarts.

You polish your feelings, Till they numb.

But they don’t numb,

They brood under the surface

Waiting for that first crack

In the polish surface

Through which to seep.

And you know what?

Fucking let it,

Let your face be myriad of emotions

Your brain a jumble of nerves

You feelings an emotional conduit

Cause honestly

Polish is overrated

And the wise eyes

Are wise cause they see

Behind every polished facade

Is a shit storm you can’t wait to meet.




It’s almost in my grasp,

The end goal,

Something that I wanted

And didn’t even know.


I clench my fist tighter

Hold onto the dream

That I want so bad

But the tighter I hold,

The quicker it starts to slip.


How is it that

what we want the most

is the thing that’s

the hardest to attain.


Does wanting something

Make it harder to get

Or does the challenge

Make you want it

In the first place?




If you are going to fly out of the chicken coop, you will definitely ruffle some feathers. But hear not the feathers that are ruffled!  Hear the cluck cluck of approval that ensues from those who know and believe in you. Eventually the feather ruffling will stop…or they will fall off from all that constant movement. It’s not like you will be there to hear it anyways, you coop flyer you.



She hasn’t gotten a clue

Of what’s around her,

Only the doubts she carries

Surround her.

They find their way

into her core,

Feuling her desire to hide

Forever more.


She sees those

That grasp life and seize the day,

Tries to follow their steps,

But stops at the bay.

They see the light,

They are now free,

But all she finds is darkness,

Stranded at sea.


She hasn’t gotten a clue

Of what’s around her.

I thank the heavens,

I have found her.

Now together maybe

We can seize the time,

And conquer the helplessness

We used to mime.