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Light Me a Flame

Today I found the lighter

That stupid little thing

You loved so much

But left behind

Like most things in your life.

I was trying to light a candle

And I needed a spark…

A lighter to light a candle

Seems logical.

But I forgot

That your lighter

Is much like you.

Illogical.

But I digress.

Today I flipped

The lighter open

And it fizzled,

Like our relationship.

So now I am sitting

In the dark

Holding a candle, unlit

Your lighter

It screwed me over .

Like its owner

How ironic .

 

 

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Isolation

Silence has a way of talking

It whispers through the walls

Of the mind and it burrows

Deep.

Like a gust of wind flowing,

Or a gale of wind threatening

To seep

All that come in it’s way.

Today the silence woke me

Middle of the night, I stared

At the ceiling while the silence

Spoke of all the things that fared.

I held my hands to my ears

To shut out the silence

Drumming in my mind.

I blew my breath in and out

To dispel what had me

In a bind.

I fought and yelled at the silence

A black hole swallowing

My protests until I gave in .

And in that moment

I realized

I had found an amazing thing.

The silent walls

They were singing

Were humming

A lullaby, a lovely melancholic tune.

And to that I listened

Until my eyes closed,

Silence now giving me a sleeping boon.

I closed my eyes,

And burrowed in my sheets as darkness

Took over and my muscles untensed,

And all that was left

Was sweet, sweet silence .

 

 

 

 

 

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A Break

Sometimes I wish,

I wasn’t such a headache

To my mom.

That I was more dependent

On my dad.

That the world didn’t think

I was strong,

I can take it.

 

I can take it,

I can survive, but sometimes

I wish I would thrive,

And not react to what life

Throws at me .

But make life

Grow with me.

Equal partner.

 

But now I am

All reacting,

Instead of gleefully

Interacting

With my favorite parts

Of life.

 

I sit here and

I sometimes think,

Would life be easier

If I just blink?

Give up this staring contest

With things in my life

That bring me down.

 

Sometimes I wish I was

Someone else,

Then maybe life would say,

Today was hard on this girl,

Let’s give her a break for a day.

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Curtain call

I kissed you

And felt nothing.

Talked to you

And felt nothing.

Held hands with you

And felt nothing.

When did you

Become my nothing?

 

I told you

Maybe someday.

You told me

Maybe one day.

But for one day

All I felt is

Nothing.

 

You call me, immature now

I tell you, you’re mature how?

By telling me, I was nothing

And acting like, I was something?

Boy, stay out of my head .

 

Took a while, for me to realize,

Your arms are not, my paradise.

You were an act, never in the now

So baby, please take a bow,

As the curtain drops .

 

What I knew of you

Was a dream you.

All the stranger

Is the real you.

And now I touch you

And it’s nothing

I talk to you

And it’s nothing.

I see you,

You are nothing.

You were an act, never in the now

So baby, please take a bow .

As the curtain drops.

 

 

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Incapicitated

I have this fear

That one day I will be all alone

And the people I love the most

Will have moved on with their lives.

I have this fear that someday

I will look in the mirror

And see everything I loved about myself

Gone with age, replaced with hopelessness

And bitterness with a life lived

Unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

I have a fear that my legacy will be

Nothing but a whisper

A longing of being part of something bigger

But never having an inkling

On how achieve it.

I have a fear that my fears

Are the reason I am in this mindset,

But I am stuck because

I don’t know how to not be afraid .