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Beginnings

I kind of hate

How much I like you,

How one

Simple word from you

Makes me smile

And feel a little brighter .

 

I kind of fear

How much I think

Of you

Counting the days

Till I am back

In your arms.

 

Sometimes I feel like

I need to hold back,

Not let you see

How you effect me.

How you make me

Feel all gooey .

Cause it’s way too

Early for this shit.

We are way too new

At this shit.

 

But then it feels like

We only just met

And it feels like

I have known you for years.

And then I feel like

I like these feelings.

 

I don’t know if I am

Playing the coward,

Acting the fool,

Channelling the brave,

Or being the explorer,

But one thing I know,

That this thing,

This thing that we have

May be the best thing ever

Or the thing that makes me

Feel like the worst is yet to come.

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Light Me a Flame

Today I found the lighter

That stupid little thing

You loved so much

But left behind

Like most things in your life.

I was trying to light a candle

And I needed a spark…

A lighter to light a candle

Seems logical.

But I forgot

That your lighter

Is much like you.

Illogical.

But I digress.

Today I flipped

The lighter open

And it fizzled,

Like our relationship.

So now I am sitting

In the dark

Holding a candle, unlit

Your lighter

It screwed me over .

Like its owner

How ironic .

 

 

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Kindness

Sometimes people just take

Advantage of kindness,

Thinking it’s weakness

Thinking that the fact I care

About your comfort is a

Weakness you must exploit.

I have no problem

You using me as a sounding board

Feeling better just

Because I gave you an inch

To breathe

When the ones closest to you

Were making you suffocate.

Don’t think for a moment

My kindness is a weakness

That I haven’t been calloused

By those who took advantage

Before you.

It took great pains for me to learn

To give humanity what it needs

Not what it wants,

So today’s kindness

Can be tomorrow’s ultimatum.

Either you or your self torture

Pick one .

Because one will get you my kindness

The other some precious time

Until I stop caring

Because you stopped caring

About yourself and

Taking advantage

Of me.

Wasting my time

For you

On someone else.

 

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A Break

Sometimes I wish,

I wasn’t such a headache

To my mom.

That I was more dependent

On my dad.

That the world didn’t think

I was strong,

I can take it.

 

I can take it,

I can survive, but sometimes

I wish I would thrive,

And not react to what life

Throws at me .

But make life

Grow with me.

Equal partner.

 

But now I am

All reacting,

Instead of gleefully

Interacting

With my favorite parts

Of life.

 

I sit here and

I sometimes think,

Would life be easier

If I just blink?

Give up this staring contest

With things in my life

That bring me down.

 

Sometimes I wish I was

Someone else,

Then maybe life would say,

Today was hard on this girl,

Let’s give her a break for a day.

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Literal Rambling, Literally

Wise eyes mean nothing

If in a moment your immaturity shines through.

You talk a great talk and walk a great walk

But bring you something serious

And there lies the panic, painfully plain,

All the polish in the world can’t hide the inner kid.

But still you try,

You polish your face, Till it shines,

You polish your brain,  Till it smarts.

You polish your feelings, Till they numb.

But they don’t numb,

They brood under the surface

Waiting for that first crack

In the polish surface

Through which to seep.

And you know what?

Fucking let it,

Let your face be myriad of emotions

Your brain a jumble of nerves

You feelings an emotional conduit

Cause honestly

Polish is overrated

And the wise eyes

Are wise cause they see

Behind every polished facade

Is a shit storm you can’t wait to meet.