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Beginnings

I kind of hate

How much I like you,

How one

Simple word from you

Makes me smile

And feel a little brighter .

 

I kind of fear

How much I think

Of you

Counting the days

Till I am back

In your arms.

 

Sometimes I feel like

I need to hold back,

Not let you see

How you effect me.

How you make me

Feel all gooey .

Cause it’s way too

Early for this shit.

We are way too new

At this shit.

 

But then it feels like

We only just met

And it feels like

I have known you for years.

And then I feel like

I like these feelings.

 

I don’t know if I am

Playing the coward,

Acting the fool,

Channelling the brave,

Or being the explorer,

But one thing I know,

That this thing,

This thing that we have

May be the best thing ever

Or the thing that makes me

Feel like the worst is yet to come.

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Ode to the Cicada

Yesterday I heard this cicada,

Chirping away as cicadas do,

But instead of outside my home

It was inside

Making a hullabaloo.

It would chirp

And then stop

I would move my eyes up

And then drop

Searching for this cicada.

For a minute I thought

I must have gone crazy

I searched for a while

But as I am lazy

I let the matter drop.

But still this cicada

Kept going.

Chirping and chirping away

Until I somehow

found it

And lead it astray.

And then,

I am sorry to say

I killed it.

Smothered it

Before it could chirp again.

And then,

It was all quiet.

Damn, now I feel bad .

 

 

 

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Light Me a Flame

Today I found the lighter

That stupid little thing

You loved so much

But left behind

Like most things in your life.

I was trying to light a candle

And I needed a spark…

A lighter to light a candle

Seems logical.

But I forgot

That your lighter

Is much like you.

Illogical.

But I digress.

Today I flipped

The lighter open

And it fizzled,

Like our relationship.

So now I am sitting

In the dark

Holding a candle, unlit

Your lighter

It screwed me over .

Like its owner

How ironic .

 

 

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Isolation

Silence has a way of talking

It whispers through the walls

Of the mind and it burrows

Deep.

Like a gust of wind flowing,

Or a gale of wind threatening

To seep

All that come in it’s way.

Today the silence woke me

Middle of the night, I stared

At the ceiling while the silence

Spoke of all the things that fared.

I held my hands to my ears

To shut out the silence

Drumming in my mind.

I blew my breath in and out

To dispel what had me

In a bind.

I fought and yelled at the silence

A black hole swallowing

My protests until I gave in .

And in that moment

I realized

I had found an amazing thing.

The silent walls

They were singing

Were humming

A lullaby, a lovely melancholic tune.

And to that I listened

Until my eyes closed,

Silence now giving me a sleeping boon.

I closed my eyes,

And burrowed in my sheets as darkness

Took over and my muscles untensed,

And all that was left

Was sweet, sweet silence .

 

 

 

 

 

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A Break

Sometimes I wish,

I wasn’t such a headache

To my mom.

That I was more dependent

On my dad.

That the world didn’t think

I was strong,

I can take it.

 

I can take it,

I can survive, but sometimes

I wish I would thrive,

And not react to what life

Throws at me .

But make life

Grow with me.

Equal partner.

 

But now I am

All reacting,

Instead of gleefully

Interacting

With my favorite parts

Of life.

 

I sit here and

I sometimes think,

Would life be easier

If I just blink?

Give up this staring contest

With things in my life

That bring me down.

 

Sometimes I wish I was

Someone else,

Then maybe life would say,

Today was hard on this girl,

Let’s give her a break for a day.

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Incapicitated

I have this fear

That one day I will be all alone

And the people I love the most

Will have moved on with their lives.

I have this fear that someday

I will look in the mirror

And see everything I loved about myself

Gone with age, replaced with hopelessness

And bitterness with a life lived

Unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

I have a fear that my legacy will be

Nothing but a whisper

A longing of being part of something bigger

But never having an inkling

On how achieve it.

I have a fear that my fears

Are the reason I am in this mindset,

But I am stuck because

I don’t know how to not be afraid .