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Senseless

I always wait till the last minute

Too blurt out how I feel

Wait till it’s too late

And I have, in my mind,

Irrevocably ruined everything.

Have built things so far

That they are ready to collapse

Into a heap of mess

That can’t be untangled.

For complicated creatures

We take simple things for granted

Weave thoughts of our own I

Till they have a life of their own

And we are caught up in it.

In us,

In problems we have made .

Even now when I know I am to blame

I refer to our collective

As if my faults are the faults of all I know.

Because the solidarity in mistakes

Is just as lonely

As the product of the situation

Which I have created

By not opening my mouth in the first place .

And now opening it all over the place

Spewing once sensical thoughts

As nonsense.

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Beginnings

I kind of hate

How much I like you,

How one

Simple word from you

Makes me smile

And feel a little brighter .

 

I kind of fear

How much I think

Of you

Counting the days

Till I am back

In your arms.

 

Sometimes I feel like

I need to hold back,

Not let you see

How you effect me.

How you make me

Feel all gooey .

Cause it’s way too

Early for this shit.

We are way too new

At this shit.

 

But then it feels like

We only just met

And it feels like

I have known you for years.

And then I feel like

I like these feelings.

 

I don’t know if I am

Playing the coward,

Acting the fool,

Channelling the brave,

Or being the explorer,

But one thing I know,

That this thing,

This thing that we have

May be the best thing ever

Or the thing that makes me

Feel like the worst is yet to come.

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Ode to the Cicada

Yesterday I heard this cicada,

Chirping away as cicadas do,

But instead of outside my home

It was inside

Making a hullabaloo.

It would chirp

And then stop

I would move my eyes up

And then drop

Searching for this cicada.

For a minute I thought

I must have gone crazy

I searched for a while

But as I am lazy

I let the matter drop.

But still this cicada

Kept going.

Chirping and chirping away

Until I somehow

found it

And lead it astray.

And then,

I am sorry to say

I killed it.

Smothered it

Before it could chirp again.

And then,

It was all quiet.

Damn, now I feel bad .

 

 

 

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Light Me a Flame

Today I found the lighter

That stupid little thing

You loved so much

But left behind

Like most things in your life.

I was trying to light a candle

And I needed a spark…

A lighter to light a candle

Seems logical.

But I forgot

That your lighter

Is much like you.

Illogical.

But I digress.

Today I flipped

The lighter open

And it fizzled,

Like our relationship.

So now I am sitting

In the dark

Holding a candle, unlit

Your lighter

It screwed me over .

Like its owner

How ironic .

 

 

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Isolation

Silence has a way of talking

It whispers through the walls

Of the mind and it burrows

Deep.

Like a gust of wind flowing,

Or a gale of wind threatening

To seep

All that come in it’s way.

Today the silence woke me

Middle of the night, I stared

At the ceiling while the silence

Spoke of all the things that fared.

I held my hands to my ears

To shut out the silence

Drumming in my mind.

I blew my breath in and out

To dispel what had me

In a bind.

I fought and yelled at the silence

A black hole swallowing

My protests until I gave in .

And in that moment

I realized

I had found an amazing thing.

The silent walls

They were singing

Were humming

A lullaby, a lovely melancholic tune.

And to that I listened

Until my eyes closed,

Silence now giving me a sleeping boon.

I closed my eyes,

And burrowed in my sheets as darkness

Took over and my muscles untensed,

And all that was left

Was sweet, sweet silence .

 

 

 

 

 

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Kindness

Sometimes people just take

Advantage of kindness,

Thinking it’s weakness

Thinking that the fact I care

About your comfort is a

Weakness you must exploit.

I have no problem

You using me as a sounding board

Feeling better just

Because I gave you an inch

To breathe

When the ones closest to you

Were making you suffocate.

Don’t think for a moment

My kindness is a weakness

That I haven’t been calloused

By those who took advantage

Before you.

It took great pains for me to learn

To give humanity what it needs

Not what it wants,

So today’s kindness

Can be tomorrow’s ultimatum.

Either you or your self torture

Pick one .

Because one will get you my kindness

The other some precious time

Until I stop caring

Because you stopped caring

About yourself and

Taking advantage

Of me.

Wasting my time

For you

On someone else.

 

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A Break

Sometimes I wish,

I wasn’t such a headache

To my mom.

That I was more dependent

On my dad.

That the world didn’t think

I was strong,

I can take it.

 

I can take it,

I can survive, but sometimes

I wish I would thrive,

And not react to what life

Throws at me .

But make life

Grow with me.

Equal partner.

 

But now I am

All reacting,

Instead of gleefully

Interacting

With my favorite parts

Of life.

 

I sit here and

I sometimes think,

Would life be easier

If I just blink?

Give up this staring contest

With things in my life

That bring me down.

 

Sometimes I wish I was

Someone else,

Then maybe life would say,

Today was hard on this girl,

Let’s give her a break for a day.