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This Is Ape Shit

You know, no one ever tells you

that losing control is hard work,

It’s not something you can just do

Because the results can be catastrophic.

Losing control takes a certain skill

To know when it’s okay to let go

Without fucking up your entire life.

But see, that’s not really losing control

When you premeditate WHEN to lose it.

My sister always tells me to loosen up, live a little,

To loosen the bridle once in a while.

To her I ask:

Woman, when is this ‘while’ you speak of?

And where can I find it?

If I find it and don’t stumble across it,

Does it still count as letting go?

Since I went seeking for it?

Does going ape shit count as losing control?

WHAT IS ‘LOSING CONTROL’?!

Like I said losing control is hard work,

(Partially probably because I don’t know what it MEANS exactly)

Even my self control, which has been putting in 24 hours a day

Everyday- religiously, thinks so.

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Cages

What they don’t tell you about the process of metamorphosis is that it is never easy , you’re constantly trying to break out of your cage all the while trying to stay safely tucked in it. From the mother’s womb and beyond, we are in a constant state of trying to break free and become humans. Granted, some do a better job than others (although how do we determine the quality of someone’s humanity when it opens up the can of worms aptly titled objective versus subjective ‘facts’), we all partake that journey- hopping from one cocoon to the next until we reach our graves, back to the womb of the Mother (Earth). Metamorphosis of the physical is irrelevant as we are born from a womb and at the end of the days we are returned to another- that of the planet. It is the metamorphosis of the mind that profoundly changes: from the moment we take our first breath of air to the moment we take our last. The cages we live in are within our own minds and to get out of them is never easy.

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Literal Rambling, Literally

Wise eyes mean nothing

If in a moment your immaturity shines through.

You talk a great talk and walk a great walk

But bring you something serious

And there lies the panic, painfully plain,

All the polish in the world can’t hide the inner kid.

But still you try,

You polish your face, Till it shines,

You polish your brain,  Till it smarts.

You polish your feelings, Till they numb.

But they don’t numb,

They brood under the surface

Waiting for that first crack

In the polish surface

Through which to seep.

And you know what?

Fucking let it,

Let your face be myriad of emotions

Your brain a jumble of nerves

You feelings an emotional conduit

Cause honestly

Polish is overrated

And the wise eyes

Are wise cause they see

Behind every polished facade

Is a shit storm you can’t wait to meet.

 

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Just Rant

I would love to see your good side

But now I know you have none.

All you are is a sad person

Inside your head.

 

And I feel bad saying all of this

That it has come to this

But even your saving grace

Can’t save your immoral face.

 

My friends told me not to trust you

My mind told me it was a waste

To try to see some goodness

In someone, something so rotten.

 

You complain that you’re so lonely

That everyone thinks you’re a jerk

That everyone thinks you suck,

That everyone blah, blah, blah .

 

I used to say that’s not true

There are people who care for you

That you are just really

Very paranoid and delusional.

 

But now I really wonder

What and who the hell

Was I talking about?

I don’t even really know you

And now, seeing your actions

I don’t think

That I even want to.

 

Have fun being who you are

Stuck in your warped up mind.