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This Is Ape Shit

You know, no one ever tells you

that losing control is hard work,

It’s not something you can just do

Because the results can be catastrophic.

Losing control takes a certain skill

To know when it’s okay to let go

Without fucking up your entire life.

But see, that’s not really losing control

When you premeditate WHEN to lose it.

My sister always tells me to loosen up, live a little,

To loosen the bridle once in a while.

To her I ask:

Woman, when is this ‘while’ you speak of?

And where can I find it?

If I find it and don’t stumble across it,

Does it still count as letting go?

Since I went seeking for it?

Does going ape shit count as losing control?

WHAT IS ‘LOSING CONTROL’?!

Like I said losing control is hard work,

(Partially probably because I don’t know what it MEANS exactly)

Even my self control, which has been putting in 24 hours a day

Everyday- religiously, thinks so.

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Ma

My momma said,
Don’t bring your work home
And I said ,
Ma I would if I could,
lock it
in a safe
and hide the key.

She said,
Girl you gotta find balance,
this can’t be your life.
I said ma,
It’s not who I am,
It’s who
I wanna be.

She said
Child your youth suffers
while you toil.
And I said what’s youth
without money
to enjoy.

Momma said one day,
you will regret this choice
And I said till then,
I’ll play with my
Money bought toys.

Momma said a lot of things,
Momma meant good.
She knew when I left her
and on my feet
I stood.

Momma tried to tell me,
Momma tried to say,
Things I will understand
When she wouldn’t be
here to stay.

Momma I may work,
I may not care for life
I may not be someone’s lover
Or someone’s wife.
But ma, one thing is true,
And it will remain.
I have got you and
That will see me through
All life’s lane.