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Cloud 9

Today feels like
We are at the
Brink of paradise
And it’s driving
Me crazy,
In a good way.

I feel a fragile
Happiness grow
Within me.
And I tiptoe
Around it,
Hoping it won’t
Shatter.

I am at the edge
And I look beyond,
A glow is at the
Horizon of promise.
But I know
Promises can be broken
So I stand still.

And still I will stand
At the brink,
Until I am ready to fall.
For happiness
And trust that
God will land me safely
Down where my feet
Can hit the clouds.

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The Road

We had infinite paths
To take
And you took the one
Most traveled by
While I waited
At the crossroads.

I have been there,
Content in trotting
Where thousands
Before us
Have left their marks.

But now I am weary
Of the worn out streets
With its upturned rocks
And explored nooks.
I want to find a path
That only we know.

I want a road to explore,
To find the mysteries
Of each fork,
To turn every rock
One by one
By ourselves.

I want to hide
In the nooks
And have you find me
Just because.

But here I stand,
At the crossroads
Looking at the road
You have chosen
And realize,
Some paths can
Only be traveled
When you’re ready.

And I am ready now,
To travel alone.

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Once

Once a friend

Asked me

Why I am

Always happy,

While in reality,

At that moment

I was sad.

But like a clown

I painted on

A smile,

And acted like

I was perpetually glad.

Once a friend

Called me

Eternal sunshine

Even on a day

When the clouds

Are gray.

Little did he realize

That the sunshine

Doesn’t last

With the sunset

It goes away.

Once a friend

Called me

A free bird.

And I told him,

“Free birds fly away.”

He laughed

And said,

“Not this one. ”

And I thought,

Wistfully,

“Maybe one day.”

 

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Writing therapy

My mind has been cooking up stories
Each one worse than the one before
I can’t focus.
Why do thoughts get so tainted?

All my insecurities come to surface
What must you think of me?
What do I want you to think of me?
Do you even think of me?

My world feels more gray
And the sky is crying frozen ice
Where are my colors and sunshine
With great promise.
Where are my singing birds?

It isn’t supposed to be like this
But then, I don’t know what it’s
Supposed to be like, having your
Feelings out in the open, bare.

I used to be good at hiding
Thinking and deciding,
weighing pros and cons.
But now, here I am, all the pros
And cons thrown about in the wind.

And now I can’t even think
My words and thoughts make no sense
I keep writing and hoping
To make the situation less tense.
I keep writing and I hoping to
Make more sense.
I keep writing and hoping.

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Kind of Different

I have never been one to take charge
It’s one of those things I don’t do.
But somehow, someway
I took charge, standing next to you.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I have never been this way
I don’t know if it’s your personality
That makes me react and play.

Logically we don’t make sense
We are too similar at our core
But when I see your shy smile
I keep wanting to see it more.

I don’t know what I am doing
And for once I don’t care
I am just going to let it flow
And see how things fare.

I have never been one to take charge
I never been the one to call the shots
But with you it’s kind of different
And I am trying to connect the dots.

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You Little Shit

Dear little shit
-Scratch that-
You little shit.

You make me sick
With your actions,
You are a tick
Sucking up my joy.

You suck so much
I can’t stand it
Even when society
Demands it
I want to throw you out
Like a useless toy.

You little shit
I have figured you out
You look out for none
But your own.
You are toxic
I can’t help it
Even when society
Demands it,
I want to chuck you
Like a stone.

I want to throw you
Into the river
Deep, deep into the river
So deep
That you will
Be the rivers to keep.
Good riddance.